First childbirth class

We watched several childbirth videos in class tonight. The women were surprisingly tolerant of their husbands, one of whom was saying "Good girl!" to his wife the whole time. Also, the babies were pretty ugly. In the midst of learning how to breathe through contractions, Peter and I decided two things about how we plan to cope with the intensity of birth and the immediate period afterwards.

First off, he is going to utilize an "assess-a-hand" prior to touching me while I am in labor. This will prevent him from experiencing direct and debilitating bodily harm.



Second, if our baby should come out looking like this:

I am to repeat the following mantra, "Fake it and feed it...fake it and feed it," thereby allowing time to pass during which hopefully the fetus will morph into a gurgling adorable baby. You can tell I am worried about the attachment process. Currently my relationship with the fetus consists of asking her, in my most maternal way, to please remove her heel from the right lobe of my liver. So, until the maternal urges kick in (what hormone does that? Can I get injections?) you all know the words I'll be repeating.

By the way, I'm sure all the existing moms reading this blog are protesting that I will love her immediately and fantastically, no matter what she looks like. I'll have to take your word on that one.